Growing old is like being increasingly penalized for a crime you have not committed [Anthony Powell].
I turned a year older two days ago. On that day, I posted the above quote in my facebook status because it captures how I feel about birthdays. One friend commented that I look young so I shouldn’t be complaining but looks is one thing and increasing in age is another, hahaha.
Really. When my nephews and nieces ask how old I am and I tell them, they laugh and mock my age! One aunt greeted me and asked me my age and when I told her, she laughed hard! Hubby even told me I’m getting old.
I thought that popular “age doesn’t matter” thing was just cliche but I realized how true it was about two years ago when I started disregarding my age. In denial? Not really denying but being unconcerned about it that when someone asks me how old I was, I had to pause and mentally count. I don’t particularly want to forget it, but it just became like that. I was probably too busy to think about my age because it doesn’t really matter anymore. I don’t know about you but I’m perpetually staying at 17, hahaha.
This year’s birthday, I was having second thoughts on celebrating it because I just got back from out of town and I’d rather stay at home and rest [and catch on my dramas!]. My mother won’t hear any of it and so we had our usual family dinner at her house. I just gave her money and my mother prepared it all just as she always does.
I’m glad my mother insisted having that family party because being with everybody made it extra special. It was nice catching up with the kids and enjoying the company of my aunts and uncles. Occasions like birthdays are venues to come together. We are not getting younger and the elders don’t have that much time — in fact, some of the kids are now away in college and some family members have migrated elsewhere while some have left this world, so I thank God for birthdays, when all of us are in attendance to celebrate another year of life to live.
I was telling my cousin how I’m already hesitant to tell my age when somebody asks. I’m really irritated with those who rudely ask my age, although I know they’re asking because they think I’m rather young doing what I do. My cousin replied she’s one who doesn’t think twice revealing her real age, in fact, she is proud to tell it. This is because she works in a dialysis center and her patients are sometimes younger than her that she is so thankful to God for having reached her age because her patients sometimes do not even get to be older.
During my birthday, I had a lot of friends bearing good wishes that I may reach my dreams. Dreams? What dreams? Except for those noble dreams I wish for my country, for the world and for humanity, I really do not have specific dreams I want to realize in the future. Honestly, I can’t pinpoint any major, major long term dream because I think I’m content where I am right now. Two of my siblings are building their dream houses [and getting financially stressed out] but I’m not about to join them because the modest bungalow of my husband is enough for me. I was looking at my 2009 entry relative to my birthday and there I longed to visit Europe and the Holy land. By God’s grace, I’ve visited Europe later that year and we’re working on the Holy land tour. My mother told me it’s not good that I’m not dreaming for something at my age. I’m forcing myself to make a dream but as of the moment, there’s nothing I could ask for.
Those dreams I had when I was younger, I already got. Those dreams I had to let go, I thank God for giving me the grace to move on. Looking back, I think I have done what I had wanted to do. I have been blessed by God’s generosity that it would already be being greedy if I ask for more. I could easily fall into the trap of wanting more and becoming selfish in the process. Thus, for this year, I thank the Lord for the contentment that He has endowed in my heart.
Maybe later, I’ll get me a new dream [does watching a Seung Gi concert count?, hahaha].